Guest blog from Progressive Masculinity
Being an English Teacher was all I’d known for 18 years and, quite frankly, something I would have been happy doing for the rest of my professional life. But I grew increasingly concerned about the social narrative around masculinity and its impact on boys and young men: the ubiquitous term ‘toxic masculinity’, the lack of access to positive male role models, the overwhelmingly negative portrayal of masculinity within the media, the loss of meaningful real-world connections in the lives of boys and young men. Is it any wonder that charismatic online influencers who push regressive, dominance-based models of masculinity are finding such fertile ground for their ideologies?
Imagine being a confused 13 year old boy who feels unseen, unheard and frustrated. Who very rarely sees positive representation of someone like himself and then you stumble across a TikTok of a man who is articulate, confident, athletic, surrounded with extravagant displays of wealth and he offers you the secrets and shortcuts to masculine success; all you have to do is subscribe to his socials and follow his teachings. It’s a very powerful, almost cult-like, rhetoric and right now there is an entire industry of masculinity influencers, gurus, bro’s and experts targeting our boys with these tactics (which essentially amount to radicalisation).
At Progressive Masculinity we create safe, nonjudgemental spaces to openly discuss issues like this as well as topics often considered taboo within the male world and the response from the young men we work with has been phenomenal. “These sessions made me realise I don’t have to pretend to be someone else. Someone I don’t like being anyway” (Year 11 Pupil). Below is a series of tips which we have found to be very effective when trying to create supportive environments in educational settings.
Get Curious, Not Furious
The work of Dr Kaitlyn Regehr, Director of Digital Humanities at University College, London, highlights some of the reasons why disenfranchised boys and young men are vulnerable to the more extreme ideologies promoted online. Interestingly, the frustrations of feeling unseen/unheard and the idea that nobody in society ‘has their back’ are prominent reasons. A very articulate pupil in one of our workshops once said “It seems like every other group has someone speaking up for them: Feminism, Black Lives Matter, LGBTQ. But when we look around we don’t see anybody doing that for us”. Male pupils often report that when they voice an opinion they are met with angry responses about male privilege and patriarchy. We have to strike a balance here: if a pupil voices an opinion purely to disrupt, shock or sabotage a discussion that is not acceptable and the school will have policies in place for this. However, if a pupil voices a genuine opinion then shutting him down is the worst thing we can do: it won’t change his opinion, he’ll just learn that it isn’t safe to say what he thinks in front of us. Now he will retract this opinion and store it internally where it can’t be challenged or guided.
Dr Emily Setty, Head of Criminology at Surrey University, believes we must see these as “teachable moments” and coined the wonderful phrase “call him IN rather than calling him OUT”. We can’t value the voice of boys only when their voices are the same as ours. A big part of Progressive Masculinity’s work is exploring how we can challenge each other as men without humiliating or escalating the situation. Are we modelling this enough in the classroom? Our classroom might be the only place in this young man’s life where these ideas are challenged. Any environment which doesn’t embrace healthy challenge and debate is an environment focussed on control, not growth. Let’s get curious, not furious and create spaces where boys feel seen, heard and valued.
Language Matters
How we frame the language around this topic is incredibly important. The words we use often unconsciously reflect our attitudes, mindset and bias. In our ‘Exploring Masculinities’ program three different pupils from three different schools told me last year that they very rarely hear the word masculinity without ‘toxic’ attached. Conflating these terms creates the idea that masculinity itself is inherently toxic, causing a defensive and often aggressive response. Could we instead use the term ‘dominance-based masculinity’? This term specifically highlights the issue without seeming to demonise an entire gender, thereby avoiding the defensive response. Mercifully, I very rarely hear the term ‘man up’ in education now but consider the connotations and impact of frequently used terms like ‘boy heavy class’ , ‘a real man’, ‘boys will be boys’. What do they reveal about the way we view boys and how might we re-frame terms like these?
Change the Narrative
When speaking at a conference, event or delivering our staff training sessions I always set myself a challenge: can I make everyone in the room smile or laugh at least once? The reason for this is twofold: firstly, I want our talks and sessions to be engaging and enjoyable. Secondly, it is extremely rare to see anyone talk about masculinity today with a smile on their face and this impacts the way we approach the topic. Our masculinity can be something we’re proud of and a real force for good in the world but this isn’t the aspirational narrative boys and young men are receiving.
One of the most enjoyable parts of our pupil workshop program is sharing the stories of some of the amazing men out there. Men whose masculinities are based on values like compassion, selflessness and loyalty. Something amazing happens when we share the stories of these men: it’s almost like the boys we work with didn’t know there were men like that out there. That men like that existed. There’s a good reason for this: the algorithms which dictate their digital content don’t recommend these kind of men. In fact they are often programmed to recommend the kind of masculinity influencers mentioned earlier.
What if we set ourselves a challenge? Once a half term share the story of a man you really admire. A man you believe represents the best of what masculinity is capable of. Representation is important so try to include different intersections of race, sexuality, neurodiversity etc. This is a low effort, high impact way to gradually ‘change the narrative’ by introducing our pupils to positive role models who represent the incredible potential of masculinity.
Explore, don’t dictate
Everywhere our boys and young men turn someone seems to be telling them what it means to be a man. Imposing and dictating ideas about masculinity. Masculinity is a social construct and there should be no ‘one size fits all’ approach. There are four billion men in the world, which means there can be 4 billion different ways of being a man. With that in mind let’s ask our boys the question nobody seems to be asking them: what kind of man do you want to be? Connect them to what they believe their key values are and then support them to construct a model of masculinity around those values. In our final workshop the most popular values selected are resilience, selflessness and loyalty … what an incredible base upon which to build the man, friend, partner and father you wish to be!
In the last three years we have worked in every kind of institution you can imagine: state schools, private schools, rural, inner-city, football academies, Alternative Provision, Pupil Referral Units, Youth Offending Institutes etc and every time I walk away with hope because it’s obvious there is a real desire in our boys to become the kind of men this world needs. Our role is to support them through this very difficult and confusing transitional period where they have left the world of children behind and are trying to figure out where they belong in the world as a man.
Join us for at the Norfolk Leaders' Conference in November 2025 to hear more from Paul Clark, Progressive Masculinity during their workshop:
- What are the prevalent views of masculinity amongst many of our young people?
- What socio-cultural factors are shaping these views?
- What evidence-based strategies can we employ to challenge regressive, dominance-based models of masculinity and promote a healthier, more aspirational understanding of what it can mean to ‘be a man’ in today’s world.
